This is your alarm
It is time to get over yourself. Your sadness is not a grand, cosmic thing that has been thrust upon you by a malignant universe—I mean you’re pretty sure that the universe is random, or if there is some sort of deity that it is not particularly interested in what goes on at any one place at any one time and probably has things that are really super important going on that have 0.00000001 x 10^-16% to do with you. You get depressed. You get writer’s block. You lose someone who you love/loved. You feel a bit like you are out of touch with your friends. When these things happen simultaneously you feel like a rock being cracked at very slowly by a dickheaded chisel. You feel like there is a vital something missing from you. However, that is not the case, it is all there—depending on who you ask you might be a bit lacking in Serotonin or Dopamine or whatever, but that isn’t the point (And the drinking doesn’t help with that at all). It is a feeling which is given power by you. It can be—and you know this—a feeling from which you derive power from as well. Power being a word that is difficult to delineate totally we’ll just say it is something which, upon creation—that is when it is made by you, delivered to you, delivered from you to someone else, talking, acting, dancing, etc—adds to your happiness. You can get happiness from all of this. You have before. Nothing has changed except for maybe your level of fatigue. Deal with it. People get tired. When you write stop thinking about dead people critiquing your work, that is so narcissistic I can’t even believe it. Stop thinking about sincerity and it will come to you. Stop thinking about postmodernism or whatever the fuck any of this classifying and generalization of things is. Get over the incessant internal criticizing and rationalization, get over your universe consuming solipsistic bullshit, get over your pill dependence, your drinking, your desperate need to feel wanted by everyone while simultaneously telling yourself how little you care. You lost shit? Buck up, everyone has. You feel like you are losing your mind? Everyone does. It is, in fact, the single greatest way in which you can relate to just about anyone. Do something about it. If not you are just squandering and shitting on my time and when I am on my deathbed, tubes in my arms pumping god knows what into me, I will not forget you, and I will hate you with more lucidity than you could possibly hate yourself.
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